Lynn Walford-Where U At?

DigiCOMmentary V. 2.3

Where You At?

In California, pre-paid Wireless provider, Boost Mobile (that uses the Nextel network) commercials show cartoon-like senior citizens, acting and talking like teenagers. It’s so funny seeing an old African American hunched over woman talking about panties. One white-haired grandma-type while bumping and grinding with other white-hairs says, “We’re getting nasty!” An African American grandma, during a two-way says, “I’m getting my freak on!”

Probably the crudest Boost commercial is the one that aired during the holiday season—A sweet little boy with his sister hear something while looking at the Christmas tree. Then they see an African American Santa Claus coming out of the toilet with a lit match. To cover his embarrassment over his stink, Santa offers the boy a Boost phone, which rings. It’s a two-way from a fanatical elf, “Where you at?” she explodes.

Ha, ha, ha…Sure the kids are laughing but they are also learning that two-waying, a.k.a. walkie-talkie, which involves a speakerphone and shouting back and forth with a triple high-pitched beep tone is cool. In an attempt to get the popularity of “Can you hear me know?” Boost is trying to get “Where you at?” to be the younger hipper version.

Now the rest of world can hear the whole insignificant conversation intermixed with nail on chalkboard pitched tones and transmitted by a tiny tinny speaker distorting voices to even harsher louder tones! Recently, I have heard these conversations. Teenage neighbors across the street yell obscenities at their friends. In the 99-Cent store, I heard ten minutes of the beep-beep also called the chirp in every aisle of the store, while the user narrated the items in aisle. The chirp sound is guaranteed to ruffle neck hair. In a line at a clothing store, a woman was shouting out her day with her husband, something I did not want to hear. This is the ultimate invasion of personal ear space.

I didn't understand why two-waying is popular until I found out it costs less money than regular wireless minutes with unlimited use to fellow subscribers for an extra monthly fee. Early versions of Nextel and Boost phones did not allow disabling of the chirp or volume control. Latest versions of the phones require menu navigation but you can change the sound, change it to vibrate, lower the volume and use it like a phone with the earphone at the ear. Something the people around me haven’t taken the time to do.

A few days ago at a mall near the “hood,” I heard a hip-hop dressed dude with an earring answer his chirp. He was sure and overtly cool when he asked the caller, “Where you at?” To which the entire hearing-trodden world should answer “No one gives a damn where you at, just turn off that *.@#$#%&^* speaker and chirp—CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?

Who gets the last laugh? Not NEXTEL and Boost (which is also the name of an un-cool nutritional drink for seniors.) Wireless perks are highly competitive. Verizon is offering free calls between all Verizon subscribers, their Service-Marked motto, “Are you in?” Yeah, I’m in. Listen Nextel/Boost folks, no matter where you at, it is now cheaper to be in, in the “in” crowd.

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